When you want something with every fiber of your being, that thing you want you create. If you have fallen short of creating your desire most likely some part of you isn’t on board with the creation.

It’s a challenging concept —how can I want something so much and not want it at the same time? So let’s create some conscious awareness around the idea in trust that space will open up, something will click  and you can move forward creating your desires.

Think back to a time when you desired or wanted something and you achieved your wanting. If you get honest with yourself you will recall that there was a defining moment when you said to yourself something  to the following, “No matter what I am going to ____. Nothing is going to stop me from getting _____. Enough is enough I am through with ____ and I am going for _____.”

Now think back to a time when you wanted to draw something into your experience and it never showed up. Again get honest with yourself. Were any of the following energies present consciously or subconsciously?:  fear of change, fear of the unknown, it was someone else’s desire not yours, you weren’t willing to move out of your comfort zone, in some strange way that thing you wanted was going to create a change in your life you decided you weren’t ready for it, you weren’t willing to take the inspired action to create that desire.

Allow me to share this example from my own personal journey.  One of the themes of my life journey is self love and I am constantly taking myself to deeper levels of this love. Attached to that theme were and are issues of food, body image, weight etc… These are the areas in which I chose to learn my lessons and grow in consciousness this time around on planet earth.

There was a time when night time eating  presented in my life as a self sabotaging pattern. My night time eating often resulted in binges on cake, cookies, nut butters and ice cream. As a result I gained allot of weight. This was not a good situation for a girl who back then defined herself by how much she weighed and what she looked like.

I remember one day a friend said to me and I paraphrase: If you know that night time eating is your downfall why don’t you  stop?

Clearly I said to her:  I will stop only when I choose to.

She thought I was crazy. I was always complaining about the weight gain, money spent on binges, my dislike of the behavior and that I wanted change. Yet I was declaring that I wouldn’t do anything about it until I chose to.

Choice is a magical stance. You see we have choice in everything we do and say. When we choose something without limitation or judgment magic happens. 

binge eating

Although my night time eating was conducted mostly in a subconscious haze I knew that change was as simple as making a new choice and/or decision.

But at that time I wasn’t prepared to make a clear cut choice. Why?

Because the night time eating and binging served me in strange ways. It helped me deal with emotions; stop feeling them, stuff them down, numb them. The food binges were a method of celebration and soothing despair. Food was my friend, companion and well, my lover when I felt lonely. Food would love me back in that one moment on my lips like no one else was able to including myself. Food binges put me in a sugar coma which would allow me to zone out and check out of life for a few hours. It put me in an unconscious state so that my Spirit could vacate my body and head out to less dense energies and dimensions because it couldn’t handle the heaviness of my life anymore. Food filled my tummy and made me feel full when I didn’t feel full in life. It was something I could do easily for myself when I felt deprived or lack.  Later on the food grounded me when I was moving up the energetic scale so quickly that I felt discombobulated.

Look at all those benefits of night time eating.  As much as I wanted change, I wasn’t going to choose to stop it until I was willing to give up all of those advantages and find more satisfying and fulfilling ways of meeting my needs, like loving myself deeply, exactly as I am, without judgment.

I began my inner work peeling away each layer of the benefits to my night time eating until they had all been brought to consciousness and released. Then I was free to choose without limitation a behavior of eating at night only when truly hungry and  what my body wanted and needed not what my ego mind demanded in order to feel good.

If you are caught in a pattern of trying to draw something into your life and are spinning your wheels, a clear choice or decision without limitations will finally unhinge you and set you free. You will never fail at anything you truly want.

~Love, Esther


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