Last night I was sitting on my couch  watching GLEE while basking in the moonlight that was pouring in through the window and landing  right on my face. It was the eve of tonight’s full moon. And because I live high in the sky, yes the moonlight actually floods through my windows.

I believe that  full moon energy  helps us to bring closure to behaviors and situations in our lives we are ready to release. It is the end of cycle. Whenever there’s a full moon, I think about what I don’t want to carry with me into the next moon and I use the energy of the moon beams  to clear it away. I simply sit or stand within its light and ask the moon to cleanse me of all that no longer serves me, on all levels; emotional, physical, spiritual and mental.  As a Cancerian who has a deep connection with  the moon  I find it works and I schedule time each month to bask in the energy.

Last night I felt a particularly strong cleansing underway and I was curious, so I asked inside to my Soul, “What am I clearing this full moon?”

My Soul whispered back by showing  me memories of public school.  I can’t remember what grade I was in but it was post parents separation and most likely grade seven or eight. This was a time when I was extremely overweight, 220 pounds plus. I was insecure, critical, mean and very unhappy. I had two best friends Barbie and Kim.  Barbie was  pretty and  the smartest girl in class. Kim was the girl that all the boys wanted to date because she was the perfect girl next door. Then   there was me. The  three of us were very close and great friends for many years.

My Soul showed me the stored memory of the day Barbie and Kim approached me and said, “Esther, we don’t want to be friends with you anymore.” They gave me a song and dance of how I lived too far away from them. I was not of the same ethnic background and I didn’t go to the same church they did. As the memory played on, my Soul showed me how devastated I was. How I came to my own conclusions that they didn’t want to hang out with me because I was fat and ugly and the boys didn’t like me. I saw how at the time I felt like I didn’t fit in and I didn’t belong.

As the memory played my Soul whispered that even though I have dealt with many of my insecurities from the past, this memory was still a filter on my eyes and it was affecting how I continue to see myself in everyday life. “The moonlight,”  it whispered, “Is removing this filter from your eyes.” 

As  my Soul continued to play the memory, it showed me sitting on the ground of the school yard with my back up against a wall when one of the girls in my class Erica came over, sat beside me and asked me what was wrong. I told her that Barbie and Kim no longer wanted to be my friend and she put her hand on my leg and said, “I’ll be your  friend.” My Soul  reminded me how this was a very pivotal moment, for Erica and I became best friends right up until the end of high school when she got married and I moved away to attend university. Erica was an important and integral part of my life .

My Soul wanted me to consciously understand that even though that parting of the ways with Barbie and Kim hurt and wounded me deeply,  it was necessary to usher in a wonderful friendship with Erica.  I did understand this on some level but last night basking in the beams of the full moon, I was able to see  and understand at a  deeper level.  Last night the moon cleared away old hurt, feelings, beliefs and memories. When I  woke up this morning I felt cleansed. And today I look at myself and the world with new eyes.

~Love, Esther


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